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« Farewell to Scotland | Main | Less Is Sometimes More, and Hard Is Often Good »

How To Take A Shower In Los Angeles

Here are instructions for when your very nice friend Dave lets you stay in his very nice house in Los Angeles, and then the water heater doesn't work. 

  • Turn on the water, hoping the pilot light that you lit yesterday, after your cold "essentials only" scrub, didn't go out again.
  • Curse.
  • Go out into the backyard to peer under the water heater for a flame.
  • As you are peering, on hands and knees, wish you had put on clothing before going out in the backyard.
  • See no flame. Curse.
  • Go make coffee. For she who has coffee, all is not lost. 
  • Turn on the faucet again, so as to banish what little hope is left.
  • Lose all hope.
  • Text you friends, cursing your predicament with vivid language.
  • Remember that one of your friends lets her kid read her texts to her. Curse.
  • Find every pot in the house, fill them with water, and put them on the stove.
  • Text all your friends back who have offered their showers, telling them you're going it alone.
  • Rub olive oil on your new leather shoes.
  • Apologize to the mom with the kid when she calls.
  • Check the pots to see if they're boiling.
  • Rub more oil on your shoes.
  • Check the pots to see if they're boiling.
  • Go on Facebook.
  • Check the pots.
  • Oil the shoes.
  • Go online and Google "How much oil is too much for leather shoes"
  • Check the pots. 
  • Turn on the  bath water in the tub, and realize that there is no bathtub stopper.
  • Curse.
  • Go through the Tupperware drawer looking for something that can keep water in the tub.
  • Consider calling your husband in Scotland for ideas.
  • Check the pots.
  • Decide to post a blog on this adventure.
  • Wonder if your friend, who loaned you his house, will be bummed when he reads the post.
  • Realize your friend probably never reads your blog.
  • Put the pots of boiling water into the bathtub, and find a tea pitcher.
  • Soap Up!
  • As you pour water over yourself from a large Tupperware bowl, catch a glimpse in the mirror, and reflect that this is exactly like those painted pictures of ladies bathing that you see in fancy day spas.
  • Well - not exactly.
  • Start to giggle.
  • Decide to leave all pots and pitchers in the tub for tomorrow morning.
  • Remember, again, that almost everything is funny.


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Reader Comments (5)

The Lama is laughing.

Mar 17, 2010 at 3:40 PM | Unregistered CommenterYo Lama


Mar 17, 2010 at 7:51 PM | Unregistered CommenterDarleen

Just a reminder, we have a space for you to stay with hot water : ) LOL

Mar 17, 2010 at 8:01 PM | Unregistered CommenterLauri

Oh my goodness, you had to come back to the US to have an experience I had in Italy 25 years ago! We only had hot water for one hour out of every day, so we would put our water to boil in pasta pots and then "bathe" in the bidet--as we didn't have a bathtub either!

Mar 17, 2010 at 8:29 PM | Unregistered CommenterJill

It's true, "almost everything is funny!" Somehow most especially through your lens. Glad you got your bath. And your coffee... Thanks for the grins.

Mar 17, 2010 at 9:23 PM | Unregistered CommenterMelody

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