Video Blog: Brenna Gives Herself A Talking To
Saturday, June 6, 2009 at 4:53AM This is hard. Leaving is hard. Writing about leaving is hard. It's 4:00am, and I woke up thinking "Just go write it down", and between then and now you can't imagine how many things I've come up with to do instead. Watch Borne Identity on Netflix. Read about Gwyneth Paltrow's shiny legs. Scrub the cabinetry in the kitchen. Anything but blog about how hard this is. Because - really - seriously - who am I to complain!! I'm leaving on the "Adventure Of A Lifetime!" That's everybody's favorite saying. I can't think about it like that. Too much pressure to have a lifetime's worth of adventure in the next year. I think we're having the adventure of our life. If we can make this next year work, we will have the skills, knowledge, and juice to be shooting new projects through the pipeline, working together a year from now, and I'm just as excited about that part as I am the year of travel.
But right now is hard. Everyone in the house has lost their funny bone except Owen, and instead of taking his que, I just get infuriated! Yesterday Bob was like "Let's just do it Owen's way. He's the only one of us having any fun!" I could only point out that after 2 days of compiling clothing to take on the trip, all Owen had in his pile was two t-shirts and a pair of boxers, so while he was having a lot of fun walking around the house, poking his fingers out of the top of his head, and saying "My antenna say it's getting worse in here.", I couldn't see myself joining in. Thank God for Owen, and he's right of course. It is getting worse in here. Know why? BECAUSE IT'S SO FLIPPING HARD!!!!
We leave this house one week from today. We leave the country a little more than a week after that. I need to sell a car this weekend, and another car next week. The couch doesn't fit into the storage cube. We have bookcases, lawn furniture, and a composter to deliver to friends. The realty company is trouping people through the house in the midst of chaos. Owen has his goodbye sleep over party tomorrow night. We have a TV crew coming next Wednesday, and instead of stepping up the exfoliation and wondering what to wear, I caught myself thinking "I can't loose a whole afternoon to this!" Truly - I have lost the excitement of adventure somewhere in the agony of dismantling my life. Every single thing we own had been addressed, evaluated, and decided upon. This is why it's different from moving to a new house. We can't pack it up and deal with it on the other side of the move. We have had to find almost everything we own a new home. We've done well. I see light. I just see very little humor, and it's about to kill me.
So this morning, instead of curling up with Jason Borne, or scrubbing out my fury in a Pine-Sol haze, I sat down with a cup of coffee and my notebook, and gave myself a little talking to. I am in the midst of an extraordinary moment in my life. It deserves my full self. I shall try my best to be here for it.
Reader Comments (11)
Hang in there. I have to say I couldn't believe it when I saw your countdown had clicked over to 15 days left. Good God we're going to miss you guys...
Know what I think? (Heh - hold on, I'll tell ya!) I think that being freaked out about all the things you just shared is an incredibly authentic way to experience where you are right now. Selfishly I'm glad you told us, because we really ARE living vicariously through you. You've now chronicled it for yourself to come back and consider in hindsight one day, too. Those of us not living in your house rarely give more than a moment's notice to the level of angst this would naturally trigger. See? You're educating more than just 2 small people!
[Insert lame, paltry, substandard, overused well-wishes and "I'm Pullin' For Ya!" cliché here.]
Don't forget to breathe. And thanks for sharing, regardless of how hard it is.
PS: Yay Owen!
Waaaaaaah, I miss you so much already. I hear you, and I am so glad that YOU hear you too. The first steps of the adventure of a lifetime are REALLY FRIGGIN' HARD! But, as you already know, right after this hump things are going to get really friggin' exciting and crazy and just plain goooooood.
Much love and kudos, wh
I don't know what to think.
I don't know what to say.
See you next year
I guess.
Lame, I know.
Jeanie
You may be going on the "adventure of a lifetime" but you're still human. You're allowed to complain and get stressed out now and then. :) I'm looking forward to following the adventure--with all its ups and downs!
Brenna,
Thank you for posts like these! It's the open and honest feelings about what's going through your mind as you prepare to leave for this great adventure that really draws me to your blog. Stephanie and I will be watching with anticipation of what your journey has in store for you.
Your family will be in our prayers!
Cliff
Brenna, in 15+ days this will be a memory, your mind's eye looking around you and forward into the adventure. What seems overwhelmingly important now (the 'stuff' of life) will be packed up and given away and not with you to be evaluated upon its merits and liabilities. You will be 'in' the adventure with only the things that matter most; the faces of the family you're doing it all for. 15+ days and its done, no matter what you do now. Owen DOES have the right idea for sure, but that's because he doesn't have anything else to compare it to. Come to think of it, neither do you, probably?! But he knows he's taken care of and his mind is free to see only the excitement and possibilities of what's to come. What a lesson in that little boy's face, huh?? Godspeed to you all, and remember you're not all alone in this adventure of your life!
Melody's response echos my thoughts too. Your honesty in chronicaling your experiences and your feelings is so powerful and makes this journal site all the richer for us and certainly more interesting and compelling. You make me stop and think, "of course, I'd be freaking out at this point in the process." You stopped, you sat down with your cup of coffee, took a breath, hit a re-set button and then you set yourself straight (to use all the old cliches). Your statement coming out the other side of your little talk to yourself is really splendid: "I am in the midst of an extraordinary moment in my life. It deserves my full self. I shall try my best to be here for it." WOW!
I see the four of you getting on the plane, holding hands, smiling at each other, knowing your are embarking on an extraordinary adventure. You have so many family members and friends far and wide who are going to be the beneficiaries of some very fascinating commentaries made all the more compelling because they are coming from your heart.
I just put my family through Hell over a weekend camping trip ... NO WAY most of us could do what you're doing... So a little freaking out is MORE than OK. And as for Owen, He's too cool for words .. 2 T-Shirts and a pair of boxers may just be the prefect amount to have packed.
Just know that TONS of us are with you guys, and can't wait to hear about all the little stuff that you might find uninteresting.
Peace, Peace, and more Peace,
...tg...
It's all about you
As you brace for your journey
It's all about me
(every time I punctuate it, the meaning changes...)
Thank you for sharing your moment on Monday morning; each one is so precious and I feel blessed to have one of my very own.
May new friends step up
to fill places vacated
by those left behind.
Aloha,
Nicole.
Brenna and Bob, having heard your lovely interview with Cliff & Stephanie Ravenscraft I was keen to follow your adventures.
Thanks for your honest posting.
Best wishes and greetings from England.